Blank Inside: August 2010

Sunday, August 29, 2010

More Literal Rap Lyrics

Because I am lazy and still unpacking my college stuff, I leave you with this minimal-effort picture:

Image credit: http://grannevacation.s3.amazonaws.com/2007_summer_plains/20070629_friday/20070629_south_dakota_dirty_car_640x480.jpg

Saturday, August 28, 2010

Ikea...which is Swedish for Dirty Rotten Lies

As a college student, I am now tasked with the unfortunate civil engineering challenge of assembling Ikea furniture. And, while I normally consider myself to be an intelligent person, Ikea's strange Swedish naming system combined with their abnormally useless instructions result in my complete inability to act as a useful member of society and render dorm furniture from what seems to be a random assortment of fiberboard and screws that go to nothing.So, sit back in your non-Ikea chair and share in my misery.

Sometimes Swedish Translates Surprisingly Well:

Ikea directions with added words:

(Note that in every set of Ikea directions, the man on the cover is making a box, leading me to believe that the only possible configuration for any Ikea product is that of the box.)

The finished product:

(Note the sheer insanity experienced by the chair-assembler, as noted by Ikea with their "a screw is loose" icon just to the left of the figure.)

(P.S.--So glad that Ke$ha could model for that drawing on such short notice)

Image credits: Ikea instructions + Ben with a Sharpie.

Thursday, August 26, 2010

Taking Rap Lyrics Literally

Image credit: http://www.partyrental.cc/Birthday_cake.jpg

P.S.--That costume is for rent :D

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

How to start a meaningful conversation... (How to never make friends)

It's kinda like the time when I got chili in my beard and then had to ask the kind folks at Stanley Steemer Carpet Cleaning to clean and steam my beard...

It's kinda like that time when I got stuck in Dr. Phil's mustache...

It's kinda like the time when I found Narnia in Oprah Winfrey's toilet...

It's kinda like that other time when Miley Cyrus and I got matching jeggings...

It's kinda like the time when Ke$ha and I glittered Billy Mays' beard...

It's kinda like that other time when I was Zach Galifianakis' beard wrangler and accidently lit it on fire...

Hey remember when you were explaining how you love that new hot nude yoga class?

Hey remember when you and I were talking about our mutual need for Depends?

It's kinda like....

Image Credit: http://www.build-a-beard.com/storage/post-images/DR-PHIL-OPRAH2.jpg?__SQUARESPACE_CACHEVERSION=1274110201234

Thursday, August 12, 2010

How Haircuts Work

1. Wait awkwardly for hairdresser.

2. Get in chair and get dressed with the world's largest bib.

3. Try to describe what haircut you want (note: you will never be successful)

4. Make incredibly awkward conversation with someone twice your age. If you're lucky, they will quickly lose interest in you. If you are unlucky, prepare to talk about the weather for a very long time...

5. Now it's time to see your haircut. Chances are that it looks nothing like what you described.

6. As you leave, take solace in the fact that you don't look like Ke$ha.

Image credit: https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhh86OeXQWhDHeV-7f3N-ckMdUdc0w94znxvOnuWLtI7G4He8P1nNSLs_DHjDrduGOG_yUtkRPysLyLKXyQbSdWsLSYx6Sx_IHmfJKLduNBvgx3mwQKm6ntCKVBR0Y_p6e1fI6Ieid_dGY/s400/Mullet.jpg