2012

Sarah Palin considers running for President, instead decides to run after ice cream truck.

#thefuture

New York Times vs. Wikipedia

First, read this article: http://www.nytimes.com/2011/05/26/opinion/26collins.html?hp

(Or not, but this will be easier to understand if you do)

((No really, you should read it))

(((parentheses)))

After reading that article in the New York Times, I laughed when I came across this correction:

First of all, who read that article and instantly though "HEY, WAIT! Slow down. The Battle of the Field of Blackbirds was sooooooooooOOOOOO NOT IN 1371!!!!"?

I can only presume that their email to the editor of the New York Times went something like this:

"Dear UNINFORMED Editor,

Clearly you've never read a book. As a history teacher for the past 40 years, I understand everything about everything. And EVERYONE knows that the Battle of the Field of Blackbird was in 1389. It would take someone with the knowledge of a 3 week old kitten to make that kind of error. I find it RIDICULOUS that you call yourselves a newspaper. GET THE FACTS STRAIGHT. MY DAD FOUGHT IN THAT BATTLE.

Sincerely,

Wilfred H. Suzelldorf, IV"

[or something]

My next thought was: how hard can finding the date of this battle be?

It is approximately this difficult:

1. Follow the link: http://lmgtfy.com/?q=battle+of+the+field+of+blackbird

2. Click on the 1st result.

3. Control F

4. "blackbird"

5. Here you go:

Apparently the staff at the New York Times are too lazy to use Google, and yet they make obscure allusions to battles from the 1300s.

Really New York Times? Loss of respect...

Mornings

So, as usual, I was heavily asleep this morning at 6:29 am, enjoying dreams of co-hosting the daytime Emmys with Jane Lynch when, ALL OF A SUDDEN, a certain alarm went off. Convinced that it was my phone set on a particularly loud volume, I swatted carelessly at my bedside table. After firmly throwing my phone onto the ground, I realized that the alarm was much too loud to be coming from my crappy $10 AT&T phone. It was, as I soon discovered, the fire alarm.

Fun.

Convinced that all things were burning, I quickly grabbed my phone and ran upstairs. Apparently my $10 AT&T phone is my most valuable object.

When I made it upstairs, I smelled smoke. Thoroughly convinced that everything was burning, I proceeded to run outside. This likely looked interesting to anyone awake at 6:30 and walking past the house; I was shoeless, wearing sweatpants and a t-shirt, and my hair was quite disheveled.

People slowly emerged from the house, and we all commiserated on the whole "house is burning down" issue. We became skeptical of this fact, though, when the alarm was turned off rather quickly. Our maintenance man cheerfully joined us outside, announcing that this had been a drill, and that we had done rather ok.

For some reason, my first thought was not about how "successful" our drill had been. Nor were my second or third thoughts. Instead, I thought:

1. Yay my MacBook lived.

2. IT IS 6:45 am

3. RAGE RAGE RAGE

The combination of anger and shock prevented me from falling back asleep. Begrudgingly, I got ready for work, and at 9:30 I left the house.

It began to pour promptly at 9:40. Sans umbrella, I had a delightful mile-long walk to work in the torrential downpour.

I did arrive at work, bags around my eyes, hair sopping wet, outfit ruined, shoes drenched, and attitude worsened. I'm fairly sure those who saw me enter were mildly alarmed by my appearance.

So that was my morning. I win, Ke$ha. I WIN.

Worst Thing

The worst thing about being an adult is waking up at a decent hour of the day. Prior to this summer I was confident that 10 am is a very acceptable Saturday wake-up time. The fact that I am blogging at 8 am, drinking an enormo mug of coffee, and printing out Google maps of where I'll be volunteering today should indicate that 10 am is a long way away, and that I've changed my views (slightly).

I realized that I've become a bit bitter when I was watching a documentary on the Ocean and I became immensely jealous of the seals in the movie. They pretty much sleep all day. And when they're not sleeping, they are either eating or playing.

WHY NOT ME???

So, in conclusion, I've decided to be a seal when I grow up.

Seriously

Today was a serious day, and I think that watching Bridesmaids last night exhausted my laugh-quota for the week. So, instead of something funny, how about something insightful:

"We are deeply helpful only when we relate as persons, when we risk ourselves as persons in the relationship, when we experience the other as a person in his own right"--Carl Rogers, from the essay "Ellen West--and Loneliness"

It's a Michigan thing...

Summer frat boy style:

1. A pair of these

2. Ironic short shorts

3. Your dad's pair of boat shoes

4. 2011 model BMW (wouldn't leave home without it)

5. Backwards hat

6. Blackberry

7. 5 o'clock shadow

8. Beach ball

9. Somewhat inflated ego

SHIRT OPTIONAL

Enjoy, bro.

Things I tell my little sister to do...

Admittedly, I didn't write this today. Nonetheless, I think it's fairly funny.

"move your body out on the floor put your troubles aside and start living anybody can let it go throw away all your problems cuz right now its party time girl don't feel out of place because i'm in love with this feeling right now...."

(please read these lyrics to mom until she realizes it's a song)

(tell her you wrote a poem for class)

(feel free to make it dramatic)

(in fact, add lots of pauses)

(insist on finishing the song)

(insist on singing it while she gives you a "dope beat")

(refuse to explain what a "dope beat" is)

(proceed to break things afterwards, claiming it's for your street cred)

(then do a victory lap around the house...)

(...with the cat)

(tell mom you are socializing him)

(then put him in mom's bed--fun surprise)

(then take a shower--be sure to use all the hot water)

(use her comforter as a towel, claiming that it "works better")

#howtoannoymom101

[this is in honor of mother's day]

ADULT

Adventures of Adulthood

Being an adult is interesting. I'm not sure if "18 year old college kid working and living by himself over the summer" qualifies as full-fledged adulthood, but let's all take a journey into my day...

Wake up at 9 am: Yay! This is what adults do! Except I think they wake up around 6 or 7 am...

Shower at 9:10 am

Getting dressed at 9:30 am: Wear adult clothes! [Anything with khakis counts]

Walk to work at 11 am: Focus on how to be productive. Make lots of lists.

Work (11 am - 4:30 pm): Again, focus on how to be productive. Pepper in the words "optimize" and "dynamic." This might be hard to do (especially in the context of psychological research), but do so anyway ("optimize my reading schedule," "dynamic hand-pencil interface."

5 pm: Cook dinner. Make adult food. Lots of fiber. And hard-boiled eggs (the boring kind).

5:45 pm: Voting [Ann Arbor has a millage measure on the ballot]. Convince voting booth people that you're an adult by not using your sparkling blue gel pen to fill out the voting application and instead choosing a black pen. Well done.

6 pm: Watch "Arrested Development" for the rest of the evening, blog about being an adult.

Welcome to my first day of adulthood[ish]

The blog's back on...

Let's first begin with an apology: sorry if I disappointed you with my long leave of absence. I was shocked to learn that people actually read this, so I'll try to be good about updating the blog this summer, especially for those people who cannot see me but are still interested in hearing me complain (which I'm sooooooo good at).

So, for those who are interested, let's take a journey through my life leading up to the re-instatement of my blog:

January: Oh HEY classes! You are so much fun! I love talking about psychology, and I love reading interesting sociology articles. This is totally the freshman experience. WE SO EXCITED.

February: 7 AM WAKING UP IN THE MORNING. HATING 8 AM SOCIAL PSYCH DISCUSSION. WORST. SCHEDULING. IDEA. EVER.

March: Yay! Spring break! Only 1000 midterms to do...but once I'm done FUN FUN THINK ABOUT FUN. (you know what it is...)

April: Um, were we supposed to have read those three articles? [Yes] Ok because they're all subtle variations on the same thing [But that's what academics do...] Ok but I don't see the value in reading about the local pottery industry in a small sub-region of Costa Rica [You should be curious about how this fits into the larger landscape of industrialized post-Modern Westernism as it relates to neoliberal expansion] So, did you notice how that was just a string of buzz-words devoid of any real content? [Welcome to Sociology 101, 102, 201, 202, etc.] NOW YOU KNOW IT...

Yes, Rebecca Black's "Friday" is the new soundtrack to my life. And yes, Ke$ha is still near and dear to my heart.

So, in conclusion:

1. I'm back for the entire summer. [take a victory lap]

2. I'm still going to make all the tired pop culture jokes as before...

& 3. I've missed you guys!

I leave you with this gem:

[enjoy]