Dis, Right Here, Is My...Swaggg

Vote for your favorite interview outfit. Here's the rundown:

1. Molly's look: Granny suit with matching pink hat and geriatric sunglasses

2. My look: Hawaiian golf shirt, Pooh Bear tie, Navy blazer, and sparkly purple sunglasses

Confession: Sometimes I wonder how I got into college.

5 New Careers for Ke$ha

1. Mop for excess glitter.

2. Cher karaoke singer.

3. Jack Daniels product tester.

4. Sleepover guest.

5. Lawn Gnome.

Who did it better:

You decide!

Image Credits:

http://bumpshack.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/03/keha-american-idol-blah-blah-blah-photos.jpg

https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgD2HwPZXjDHkBLGCqr4_x86PXg5lfV95E3WnfJVsYzWcHuEuxcAHJxdh6mwWbta9R8d3mpvd7NUPKAoHFBM5FRNxCSg-IYbJQjdMeeoLtvU4dAbBDE8DD8NyqyPJrqRLodp9W1nrWzqHI/s1600/so00sqkmm.jpg

Why Primary Season Is Annoying (An Open Letter)

Dear prospective Judges, Senators, and Representatives,

Hearing a recorded message describing how great you are is not my idea of an idyllic afternoon. In response, I think I will be recording my own propaganda message and calling each of your homes. Since I have fewer homes to call, however, expect a call about once every five minutes.

Also, your campaign signs are littering the entrance to my home. Again, in response, I will be setting up signs in front of each of your houses promoting my name for no apparent reason. Since I have to purchase fewer signs, however, you can expect them to be roughly five times the size of your signs.

Thank you for your time. I will only be voting for the least evil of you.

Sincerely,

Ben

Image credit: http://blog.mlive.com/chronicle/2008/08/large_01campaign_signs.jpg

Some Ideas I Want to Pitch to You...

1. Instead of "Twilight: New Moon" I want to film "Twilight: Half Moon" about Vampire Dwarves...

2. Instead of the Slap Chop, a product called the Chan Chop, which is basically a replica of Jackie Chan's hand with a high quality stainless steel blade for your cooking/fighting needs.

3. Instead of Jersey Shore, a show called Golden Coast starring Betty White and several other cougars on the prowl...

4. "Star Wars 8: George Lucas Would Like To Purchase a New Villa"

5. "Land Before Time: The Story of Fossil Fuels" for kids.

6. A Scientology book series called "Men are from Mars, God is from Zepthar"

7. Mormon dating service called "The Book of Latter-day Faces"

How to wait in a line

(Inspired by Cedar Point)

1. Locate the line you will be waiting in and race everyone around you to get there first.

2. Once in the line, immediately complain about the dynamics of the line.

Possible complaints: length of line, pace of line, odor of nearby line members, volume of nearby line members, etc.

3. After the first fifteen minutes of line waiting, give up all hope and obnoxiously tell your line neighbor that you will never see the end of the line. If possible, complain to the people in front of you so that they will leave the line.

4. Text a friend about how obnoxious it is to wait in lines. They are obligated to be sympathetic because they are your friend.

5. Hum, sing, or whistle the song that has been stuck in your head all day at full volume. If you're lucky, it will be stuck in everyone else's heads soon.

6. Become excited when nearing the front of the line by making grandiose statements and mocking those in the back of the line.

7. Upon reaching your goal, immediately flaunt the product/outcome to those in the back of the line. Their anger towards you is your reward.

8. Run. The people in the back of the line were actually extremely angry at you.

If Band Names Were Accurate...

Image Credits:

http://above-thefold.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2009/09/owlcityowlcity.jpg

http://crfranke.files.wordpress.com/2010/03/nirvana.jpg

http://tuclic.net/inicio/images/stories/pics/gallery/portadas/Kesha_-_Animal_Album.jpg

Twiderp

5 reasons why Twilight is not realistic:

1. Edward is not a sexy name.

2. Women don’t like men with back hair.

3. The insurance on a teenager driving a brand new Volvo is astronomically expensive.

4. My dishes sparkle, not my skin.

5. Vampires are not real. Ever.

Image Credits:

http://twilight-review.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/10/EdwardCullen1.jpg

http://images2.fanpop.com/image/photos/9900000/Regina-George-regina-george-9999018-922-1400.jpg

http://www.twilightcartel.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/10/jacob-werewolf-two-versions.jpg

4 Craigslist Ads You Need To STOP Posting

Wow! Free coupons from a newspaper! Good thing they are free. I would pay upwards of $.50 for that!

Deal of the century! My 12 Pack of Diet Pepsi for your purse! It must be realllllllly high quality.

This is not an "antique piece," this is your trash.

"Sells for $300+ ON EBAY!!!!"

Still think Twilight is cool? So do 6 year olds.

Ke$ha Translation

"Your Love Is My Drug"

Translation: "I am on drugs"

Translation:

Original:

Translation:

Original:

Translation:

Lyrics Credit: http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/keha/yourloveismydrug.html

Would you be my friend...

1. ...if I listened exclusively to Vanilla Ice albums?

2. ...if I wore a fanny pack full of coupons?

3. ...if I wore a large sun visor?

4. ...if I drove a bubble gum pink Mustang?

5. ...if I missed our date to care for my Neopets?

6. ...if I was level 4023 in Farmville?

Image credit: http://auntiefashion.files.wordpress.com/2009/10/vanilla-ice.jpg

Happy Historying!

Unfortunate versions of otherwise important historical quotes:

One if by land, two if by rhinoceros.

Give me liberty, or not, I guess, but I would really prefer liberty.

We, the old white men, of the United States, in order to become super powerful…

Mr. Gorbachev, this wall is really blocking my view of the other part of the city. Can we just put up a nice chain-link fence instead?

A pretty big curtain is rapidly descending over Europe, but I wouldn’t make too much of a fuss because it goes nicely with the décor.

Image credit: http://www.insertfishhere.com/images/Abraham-Lincoln-5-17-04-2%20copy.jpg

Idea for a Price Tag

(For a dollar store)

(BARGAIN)

Image credit: http://www.coast2coastmixtapes.com/blog/lilfats/uploaded_images/50-cent-722078.jpg

5 Fun Things to do with Ke$ha!

1. Glitter fight!

2. Dressups (you wear this torn t-shirt, I'll wear the beer-stained sweatshirt)

3. Cocaine

4. Ironic bathing!

5. Needlepoint arts and crafts.

Image credit: http://tuphace.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2010/01/l_5460c249f88a146ba02471762678e25d.jpg