Hi! I know it's difficult to hear me trying to walk around you with your iPod turned up to "zombie death blare," but if you could stop jamming to N*Sync's greatest hits I would really appreciate 5 seconds of your time.
I realize that you are very important and have very little time to interact with me. Clearly there is a crisis so large it necessitates you texting each and every one of your contacts while remaining consistently in my way, but if you could set your rhinestone-encrusted Droid down for just a moment I would be able to get your attention.
You might also need to stop chewing your gum. Though perhaps chewing is the wrong word. You might also need to stop mauling your gum, as the world can hear each and every vicious attempt to annihilate the gum and its associates.
Now that I have your attention, would you mind just moving ever so slightly to your right or left, so that I might be able to walk around you and get to the class for which I am becoming increasingly late?
Thanks a million!
-Ben
P.S.--Good luck with your costume for the party this weekend. I agree that Katie is ruining your plan by not being the other reindeer, but you'll probably need to improvise something like a cute elf or a whimsical snowman.
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